


The Unfortunately Extraordinary Life of Kozume Kenma

by todxrxki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, a lot of fluff at the end, bokuaka are cute too, kuroo and kenma literally read each others minds, uhh psychic abilities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 00:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17838629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/todxrxki/pseuds/todxrxki
Summary: Kozume Kenma, a boy born with psychic powers, wants nothing more than to blend in and be an ordinary high school student. Unfortunately, the weird, incredibly loud people around him just won't seem to let him. And then even his best friend Kuroo starts acting weirder than usual. Maybe Kenma just can't catch a break... or maybe things are going to change for the better.





	The Unfortunately Extraordinary Life of Kozume Kenma

If on the off chance someone is reading this, hello. My name is Kozume Kenma.

 

I was born to two entirely ordinary parents. My brother, who’s only a few years older than me, is also entirely ordinary in every single way, though he’d lead you to believe he’s not. Had everything gone the way it should have, my life would probably be entirely ordinary. Unfortunately, life hardly ever goes the way it should. You’d have to be foolish to believe otherwise.

 

Something went wrong when I was born. There was some screw in the machine that was loose, some pebble that was positioned in just the wrong place, some speck in my DNA that caused me to come out with bright yellow hair and a brain so magnificently fucked up that no doctor would be able to fix it. Of course, most ordinary people would die to have the kind of brain that I have, the kind of power I possess. They write stories about it, fantasize about it, but I am the only one I know that has it.

 

Let’s be clear: I have psychic powers.

 

Not even just one power, either. I can read minds. I can teleport. I can move things with my brain. I can change the ways that people think. I can do all sorts of things, but unfortunately, they all have their drawbacks, because everything in this universe has its limits. And I don’t want to do any of them. What I’d give to just be normal, to not have to hear the shitty things people think every day, to not have my favorite video game endings spoiled, to not have to worry about the fate of the world or of the city because I’m the only one who can save it.

 

Today, though, today is a perfectly ordinary day. I absolutely despise attention, so I’ve focused a lot more energy than I would’ve liked on trying to not let anyone find out about my powers. I’ve also used my powers multiple times to make me blend in. So, as far as anyone but my parents and asshole brother know, I’m a perfectly ordinary high school student, albeit one that never really talks and is constantly using his hair to hide.

 

As I head down into the kitchen, I can hear my dad’s head buzzing, something about his overly affectionate love for my mother, which I try to ignore. I grab my lunch from the table and bid him goodbye. However, as soon as I throw open the door, I’m met with one of the many limitations to my power.

 

Yamamoto Taketora.

 

“Kenma, buddy!” he yells, wrapping his arm around my neck and grinding his fist into my hair. I despise the fact that he’s tall enough and I’m tiny enough for him to be able to do it successfully, and I also despise the fact that I don’t exactly look like I have the super strength powers I have, because I can’t throw him off without raising suspicion. Instead, I glare daggers at him until he finally lets go. “What’s goin’ on?”

 

“I was planning on walking alone, actually.”

 

“Why would you wanna do that? Walking alone’s so boring, man. We can talk if we walk together.”

 

“What in the world would we talk about?”

 

“Well, I watched this really cool volleyball match last night, Okayama vs Toray -“

 

“Yeah. Okayama won, barely.”

 

“See, you watched it!” Yamamoto crows, his face bright. “I knew you would!”

 

I had not, in fact, watched it. However, my next-door neighbor is a _huge_ volleyball fan, and I can hear his thoughts loud and clear. They get even louder when he watches volleyball matches, so I know every single thing that happens in the match. But I tend to lead Yamamoto to believe I watch volleyball matches, just because it’s better than having him harass me to watch it. I shrug in response.

 

“Y’know, if our school had a team, I bet I’d be the ace,” Yamamoto says proudly, puffing out his chest.

 

“You’re scary enough to be an ace, I guess.”

 

“Bein’ an ace isn’t about bein’ scary, man! It’s about having the strength to like, slam it down in other people’s faces and shit.”

 

And this leads me to my theory on Yamamoto. You see, I’ve never been able to read Yamamoto’s mind. It’s one of the biggest banes of my entire existence, because this means that I can never reliably stay away from Yamamoto. Given that he’s latched onto me for whatever reason, this is particularly troubling. And, just judging from the way that he talks, I believe that it’s because he doesn’t have enough brain cells for me to be able to read the thoughts put out by his brain.

 

_If I leave right now, I can catch Kenma and Yamamoto! Okay, lunch, looks like shit, but it’ll do I guess. I’d better start running!_

 

I groan under my breath. Great, another nuisance. Must every day of my life be filled with such suffering?

 

“Kenmaaaa!” comes a voice from behind me, and then there’s a hand on my shoulder. “Kenma, Yamamoto, what’s up, my friends?”

 

“Hi, Kuro,” I say in response, not even glancing over at him so as not to give him the satisfaction.

 

_Kenma, stop being such a grump._

 

 _Shut up_ , I send back to him.

 

You see, I did leave someone off the list I made of people who knew about my power. There’s my mom, my dad, and my brother, who I despise, but there’s also one more person. Kuroo Tetsurou, the guy who’s just made his way over to bother me. I’ve known Kuroo for approximately 11.28 years now, when he moved into the house beside mine. Back then, I wasn’t quite as good at concealing my powers, and when I threw a volleyball at Kuroo, broke his arm, and then healed it all in the course of five minutes, Kuroo realized something was up, so my parents helped me to explain it to him and beg him to keep it a secret. And, for the past 11.28 years, he has.

 

I complain a lot about Kuroo, because he’s a guy with a personality that’s very different than mine, but I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s the one that’s constantly pushing me to do things, constantly teaching me about how normal people do things, and constantly keeping me company. And sometimes it’s nice to have someone who knows everything about me, because it’s just like the wall I have up around everyone else drops when it’s just him and I. That wall is absolutely exhausting to keep up.

 

“We were just talkin’ about volleyball, dude,” Yamamoto says, letting Kuroo slip in between him and I. “The match last night.”

 

“Oh yeah, it was fuckin’ sick,” Kuroo agrees. “I kinda had my bets on Toray, but they had too many missed serves, man. Serves will kill you in a close match. Anyways, Kenma, ready for another day at your favorite place on earth?”

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I mutter darkly. Really, school’s not that bad in and of itself, besides the absurd number of people in it that make having telepathy hell on earth. The lessons are kind of boring, but fine enough. The tests are easy; I can use the people around me to figure out enough of the questions to get an average score. Essays are no problem either, since I can put the words straight from my mind onto paper. It’s literally just the people there that are so bothersome.

 

And, as we approach the entrance to the school, perhaps the most annoying nuisance of all approaches.

 

“Kenma-kun!” he yells, darting over to the three of us. I can hear Kuroo beside me, cackling in his head, and I send him a mental kick. “Kenma-kun!” the nuisance repeats, coming to an abrupt stop in front of us and smiling an absolutely obnoxious smile. “Hi!”

 

God, I have no idea how _anyone_ likes him.

 

HIs name is Haiba Lev, more commonly known as just Lev. He’s in the same class as Kuroo, Yamamoto, and I, which is honestly the worst thing imaginable. And he’s popular. Almost every girl at Nekoma is in love with him. Probably not because of his personality; more because of the fact that he’s incredibly tall, is half-Russian, has big green eyes, and is very athletic. If they knew anything about him at all, they’d probably be as annoyed by him as I am.

 

It’s not even that rare anymore for people in Japan to have different-colored hair or eyes. It used to be, back before I was born, but when I was a kid with blonde hair and golden eyes desperate to fit in, I used my mind control powers to make everyone believe that it’s normal to have weird colored hair and eyes, so, in accordance with what they believed, it began to be true. Our class rep, for example, has gray spiky hair, and Yamamoto has a blonde mohawk.

 

So really, there’s no reason for Lev to be as popular as he is.

 

“Hey, Kenma!” Lev repeats, and finally I come to the conclusion that he’s not going to give up until I go away. Mostly because that’s what he’s thinking.

 

“Hi, Lev,” I say in a deadpan tone. “I need to get to class.”

 

“Oh, that’s okay!” Lev chirps. “We’re going to the same class so we can walk together!”

 

Kuroo’s stupid cackling starts up in my head again. _That kid is fixated on you,_ he thinks, and I close my eyes in annoyance. It’s the truth, though I can’t even begin to imagine how it happened. Probably because a couple of weeks ago I saved him from a locker falling on top of him, or maybe because last week I stopped him from tripping down the stairs on some kid’s skateboard, or maybe it was last month when I saved him from falling out a window. Every time I just teleported near to where he was to prevent it from happening, but the downside of doing that, of course, is that he attributes the saving to me. And the downside of _that_ is that he’s now clinging to me like a lost puppy dog.

 

I despise Haiba Lev.

 

Unfortunately, Lev is not smart. He is completely useless at schoolwork, unable to pick up on any kind of subtleties, and spends most of his spare time daydreaming about sports (and me, unfortunately). This means that he has not realized the depths of my dislike for him. And I, being a conflict-avoidant person for the most part, don’t really have the heart to tell him.

 

Such is life, I guess. Or at least, such is my life.

 

“Kenma-kun, did you finish the homework?” Lev asks, batting his eyelashes at me. “I bet you finished it in just a few minutes, ‘cause you’re so smart!”

 

He’s right about me finishing the homework in a few minutes, but not so much because I’m smart. Answers are easy to come by when you have the entire world at your disposal. I just shrug. “It wasn’t difficult.”

 

“It was for me,” Lev says. “I mean, how should I know how to stay stuff in a totally different language? I live in Japan, so I only _need_ to know how to speak Japanese, right? Learning English is totally useless — _ow!_ ”

 

For once in my life, I’m glad to see someone beyond Kuroo. Yaku Morisuke, my literal savior, has appeared out of nowhere to save the day once again.

 

His motivations aren’t so pure, and I know it. You see, like most of the girls in the class, Yaku has a raging crush on Lev. Yaku has not admitted this crush even to himself, but by the way he thinks about him, it’s almost glaringly obvious. For example, what he’s thinking now: _Ugh, this kid is such an idiot. Can’t even do the homework. So why is it so endearing…? I mean, what. No. It’s not endearing. I hate Haiba Lev. Even if he is kind of cute… No, no, no, I never thought that!_

 

As you can see, Yaku’s a bit of a, as the kids these days say, tsundere.

 

“Why’d you kick me, Yaku-kun?” Lev whines.

 

“Yaku- _what_?” Yaku hisses back at him.

 

“Yaku-san!” Lev says, straightening up. “Though you’re only two and a half months older than me, so I don’t see why I have to call you that.”

 

“I’m still your senior,” Yaku says importantly. “And you need to learn some respect, kid. Talking about how you don’t need foreign languages… only a dumbass would say stuff like that.”

 

 _Yaku really has a weird way of flirting, huh Kenma,_ Kuroo thinks.

 

I bite down on my lip to stop myself from snorting audibly. Kuroo smirks. He likes trying to get a reaction out of me, because according to him, my face typically looks like a statue - unmoving, unwavering. That’s the way I like it, though. It doesn’t draw any attention.

 

“Hey, bro!” Yamamoto exclaims, tossing an arm over Yaku’s shoulders. Yaku glares at him, but he doesn’t really have the courage to yell at Yamamoto the way he does Lev due to Yamamoto’s more intimidating presence. “Wow, we’re only missing one person!”

 

“We could just go back to it only being one person,” I mumble under my breath. The one time I actually want people to pay attention, though, everyone ignores me. Such is my life.

 

Because the universe hates me, the final person in our ‘annoy Kozume Kenma’ group runs up at his usual speed of about 1500 kilometers per hour, his eyes alight with the flame that’s constantly burning in his soul or whatever cliche metaphor people use to describe him this year. “Hey, hey, hey!” he bellows at the top of his lungs. No one turns to look at him, partially because they’re used to this behavior from him, but also partially because they respect him too much. It’s truly bizarre.

 

“Bo, my dude,” Kuroo says, holding out his fist for a fist bump. Like almost everyone in the school, Kuroo adores him. Thinks he’s a good guy, fun to be around, if a little dramatic at times, but the same could be said for Kuroo. And truth be told, I really can’t hate him. He’s too sincere, too hard-working, too just… genuinely himself. Everything that passes through his head comes out of his mouth in exactly the same words. It’s almost endearing.

 

“Kuroo! Yamamoto! Yaku! Lev! Kenma! All of my favorite people in one place,” he says, his smile wide.

 

Okay, it is endearing. I hate it.

 

His name is Bokuto Koutarou, and he’s our class representative. The class nominated and elected him in a record-setting amount of time. There was no one else we could even conceptualize being the class representative. Bokuto embodies everything a class rep should be. However, unlike the others, the reason I don’t want him around is because he’s constantly challenging people to competitions and I’m mildly concerned that one of these days he’s going to challenge me to some kind of physical contest and figure out that I’ve been holding out on my true power. Bokuto’s disturbingly good at figuring out when people are holding back.

 

I force a smile, though. “Good morning, Bokuto. We were just on our way to class.” The last sentence comes out a little gritted, because all I’m trying to do is go to class, for God’s sake, and I can’t even do that.

 

“Just like good students!” Bokuto exclaims, giving us a thumbs up. “I’ll go with you there! But first, apparently recent scientifical studies have shown that you gotta do some exercise to get your blood flowing before class if you wanna remember more, so five push-ups for everyone!”

 

I don’t even need my telepathy to know he’s bluffing and he hasn’t read a scientific study possibly ever. Still, there’s no arguing with Bokuto. All of us drop to the ground and begin our push-ups. I go as slow as possible so as not to let on that it’s an easy task for me. Beside me, though, I can pick up on Kuroo’s breathing steadily increasing. _Out of shape, Kuro?_ I send to him.

 

 _Just because you’re practically a robot and don’t understand human fatigue,_ Kuroo sends back grumpily.

 

“That was great, man! I feel like I could do a hundred more,” Yamamoto says boastfully, puffing out his chest.

 

Before Bokuto can agree and rope the rest of us into it, I quickly say, “Maybe you two can do that after school.”

 

 _Thank you, my savior,_ Kuroo thinks.

 

“Oh my _god_!” comes a random squealing voice. A girl from our class stands there, one hand clutching her heart. “Lev was doing push-ups! And look at how sweaty he got!”

 

Lev jumps back up to his feet, smiling and scratching the back of his neck in an almost bashful manner, which means that nearly all the girls around start squealing. Immediately, Yaku’s thoughts turn enraged, and he kicks Lev in the shin. “Stop showing off and go to class so that maybe you can actually learn something.”

 

Once again, I think, Yaku has a point.

 

 _Wow, Bokuto-san looks amazing when he’s exercising_ comes an unwelcome thought into my mind. I know who it is immediately, because while almost everyone in our class admires Bokuto, there’s only one person who really, really likes him. And that person is Akaashi Keiji.

 

Akaashi’s all right, as far as people go. He’s quiet and polite, which I appreciate, and regards much of what the rest of the group does with the same kind of silent disdain that I can get behind. The one thing I cannot possibly comprehend about Akaashi is the fact that he’s head over heels for Bokuto Koutarou. It’s hard to hate Bokuto, as I’ve mentioned before, but for someone as similar to me as I feel Akaashi is, I’d also think it’d be hard to truly _love_ him. But Akaashi does. Nothing Bokuto does seems to turn Akaashi off, because ten seconds later Akaashi’s thinking something as lame as _Bokuto’s really my superstar._

 

“Hey, ‘Kaashi!” Bokuto exclaims as he pops back up. “Another one of my favorite people! You can walk to class with us!”

 

“Thank you, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says, the slightest bit of pink showing up on his cheeks as everyone else joins in with the greetings.

 

The other thing about Akaashi’s crush is that Bokuto is perhaps the most oblivious person on the face of the planet. It’s not that he doesn’t have feelings for Akaashi; it’s that he never thinks about romance. His head is full of stuff about exercising and sports and the class and his friends. So it’s something he never truly considers. Which also means that until Akaashi actually makes a move, Akaashi’s going to suffer and Bokuto is going to remain blissfully unaware.

 

Lev starts complaining to Yaku, and Bokuto starts up some conversation with Kuroo and Yamamoto while Akaashi just nods along eagerly, which means that I can finally slip into the classroom without any attention being on me. It’s truly beautiful. And to make matters even better, there are still five minutes until class starts, which means I can play the new _Kingdom Quest_ game for a few minutes without being interrupted…

 

 _Hey, Kozume’s playing the new Kingdom Quest game_ , some kid thinks from across the room. _That was a great game. I especially liked the twist at the end where the traitor was the prince himself pretending to be the princess._

 

I drop my game on my desk and hit my head.

 

Being a psychic really fucking sucks sometimes.

 

All in all, though, it’s a normal day. And yeah, normal days suck, but at least they _make sense._ Which is more than I can say than for what’s about to happen next.

 

.

 

After school, everything seems fine. Yamamoto, as usual, asks us all to go get ramen. I don’t really want to go, but Kuroo makes me a promise in his head that he’ll buy me coffee jelly afterwards, so I reluctantly agree. Lev goes because I’m going, Yaku goes because Lev’s going, Akaashi agrees because Bokuto might show up, and Bokuto has practice but says he might drop by afterwards. We get there, Nekomata serves us up five bowls of completely average ramen, and we all begin to eat - Yamamoto in his completely disgusting way where half of the noodles hang out of his mouth, Lev in a slightly more proper manner, Yaku with his normal peckish manner, Akaashi in an unnaturally polite (and slow) way, and Kuroo in maybe the most normal way of the table. I slurp up my noodles one by one. I don’t really care much for food unless it’s sweets, honestly, as terribly unhealthy as it sounds.

 

“Yaku-san, you should eat more!” Lev says brightly. “Then maybe you’ll grow more!”

 

This is entirely the wrong thing to say. Kuroo, Akaashi, and Yamamoto also realize this immediately, because it doesn’t take a psychic to see how angry Yaku’s getting. His face goes beet red, his ears practically smoke, and the glare he gives Lev could burn a hole in steel. “What the hell did you just say to me?”

 

“I mean, you just… you’re kinda small… it’s not a bad thing, though?” Lev squeaks. _It was just an observation! I didn’t mean anything bad by it!_ Lev wails in his head. Unfortunately for Lev, I’m far too amused by the situation to intervene.

 

Yaku practically growls at him. Despite his small stature, it’s kind of terrifying. I snicker into my ramen as Lev whimpers. _Why the hell do I have to like someone this fucking stupid,_ Yaku thinks angrily. _I mean, not like! Tolerate…_

 

Yamamoto slurps up his noodles in the most disgusting manner possible. “This ramen is so good,” he says loudly. “I want to do things to this ramen.”

 

Kuroo chuckles. “Maybe don’t announce that in public.”

 

“What?” Yamamoto asks. “I just meant I wanna eat this ramen. Dirty minds.”

 

Akaashi looks a little bashful, but still says, “This ramen is quite good. Which isn’t what I was expecting, because…”

 

I don’t need any of my powers to predict how he’s going to finish the sentence. Nodding, I say, “Yeah, the outside of this place looks disgusting.”

 

“The grosser looking the place, the better the ramen,” Kuroo brags. “The same for people, too.”

 

Yaku rolls his eyes. “You just want to justify your hair looking like a rat’s nest.”

 

Despite all of my best instincts, I can’t help but laugh into my hand. Kuroo’s gaze immediately snaps to me, his eyes wide, and the beginning of a thought pops into his head before he starts yelling the lyrics to some dumb anime opening in replacement. I bite my lip in confusion, as Kuroo’s never really hidden his thoughts from me, but decide not to dwell too much on it. If it’s important, I’m sure he’ll tell me. Or at the very least, he can’t hide it for long.

 

“Hey guys,” Lev says loudly. “Let’s have some guy talk. What does it mean if a girl is always staring at you?”

 

Akaashi blinks in confusion. _No way is he this oblivious,_ Akaashi thinks, but he says, “It means she likes you, doesn’t it?”

 

“Lev,” Kuroo says measuredly. “Every girl in our class is always staring at you.”

 

“Hm, okay,” Lev says. “But what if it’s a guy?”

 

“Then it’s the same,” I say irritatedly. I share the same sentiment as Akaashi; there truly is no way anyone in the universe can be this oblivious. I’m half tempted to project some kind of image or thought into his brain to get him to understand that Yaku’s in love with him. But knowing Lev, even _that_ wouldn’t be enough.

 

“How do you know if you like guys?” Lev asks.

 

Yaku groans. Digging money out of his pockets, he slams some cash down on the table, says, “I’m fucking leaving” and then storms out of the door, his brain flooded with thoughts like _The nerve of him_ and _he’s just teasing me at this point, no way he’s serious._ Both of them are hopeless.

 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto says as he enters the shop as Yaku’s leaving. “Uh, did I miss somethin’?”

 

“Just more Yaku and Lev shit, buddy,” Kuroo says.

 

“I don’t even know what I did wrong,” Lev wails.

 

Bokuto pats Lev on the back. “Yaku can be a tough dude sometimes, man. Don’t worry ‘bout it. Hey, waiter, can I get another bowl of ramen over here? Biggest size you got.”

 

 _He’s almost too nice,_ Akaashi thinks dreamily. Kuroo raises an eyebrow at me. I just shrug.

 

Everything still is as it should be, or at least it seemed so at the time. In retrospect, though, it is just the beginning of the world’s biggest mess.

 

.

 

The next morning, I am prepared for a normal day. I don’t even bother looking at the future; why should I? When something truly disastrous is about to go down, I typically have a vision of it while I’m sleeping. As far as I’m thinking, this should be a normal day.

 

Yamamoto finds me despite my desperate attempts to avoid him, which is as usual. The day only starts to veer off course when Yamamoto peers at me after a few minutes of walking and says, “Hey, where’s Kuroo?”

 

He’s right. Usually about this time is when Kuroo shows up, running at me and yelling my name obnoxiously because he knows it embarrasses me. It’s odd that he’s not here yet. Kuroo’s typically too hearty to get sick, and he hadn’t shown any signs of weakness yesterday. Besides, usually when he is sick, he’s in my head whining about me taking care of him, which means I bring him a serving a ramen after school. Confused, I try to look for Kuroo.

 

He’s in his house, as expected, but he’s not sick. He’s sitting on the floor in his room, his arms crossed, a frown on his face. He looks up, almost like he’s sensing me, and scowls. “Don’t even try to fucking read my mind, Kenma.” Sometimes I’m convinced Kuroo’s psychic too, or at least psychic when it comes to me. When I don’t stop watching, though, his frown deepens. “Can't you listen to me even this once? I’m serious, Kenma. Get _out_  and stop prying into my life, you nosy asshole. Leave me alone. Fucking  _go_ -!"

 

In shock, I immediately release, and fall to the ground, my breath coming far too quickly. Yamamoto kneels down beside me and pats my back. “Hey, man, what happened? Your eyes crossed all of a sudden and then you fell over. You good?”

 

“Yeah,” I manage to pant up, pulling myself up to my feet. “I’m fine.” It’s not true, though. I feel terrible - sick to my stomach, lethargic, like I’m going to keel over. And shocked.

 

Never in the course of our friendship has Kuroo insulted me like that. His insults are typically teasing, lighthearted, but never serious. Not once has he told me to go away. Not once has he not let me hear his thoughts. It’s terrifying, like suddenly my life has been completely turned upside down, especially since I don’t even know why. Yesterday had been a perfectly average day. There was nothing in it that Kuroo had thought was objectionable, nothing I’d done that could make him turn against me so immediately. And that is the scariest part of all. As a psychic, not knowing something is more terrifying than anything else I can imagine.

 

“You don’t look so good all of a sudden,” Yamamoto says. “Maybe you caught whatever Kuroo has.”

 

 _Very doubtful,_ I think to myself. Even in a situation like this, I can’t think negatively of Kuroo, not the way he clearly does of me. I shake my head. “Seriously, Yamamoto I’m fine. Maybe my blood sugar’s off. I’ll eat something when I get to school.”

 

Yamamoto shrugs. “I guess.”

 

Lev is even more intolerable when Kuroo’s not there to laugh with me. When Yamamoto mentions I’m feeling off, Lev offers to carry me to class, and even attempts to do it. With a combination of my powers and my powers of kicking, I manage to get him off me, redirect Yaku’s rage, greet Akaashi, and sit down at my desk.

 

It’s hard enough to focus on class on a regular basis, especially with the thoughts of everyone around me buzzing at a mile a minute. It’s even harder today to get my thoughts away from Kuroo. There’s some foreign emotion bubbling up in me, threatening to rise to the top. I push it back down.

 

Lunch time is even worse, because the entire group is standing around me, their eyes wide. “Is Kuroo okay?” Bokuto asks. “Is he sick? He hasn’t been absent for like, forever!”

 

“How should I know?” I ask with a frown.

 

“You’re his best friend!” Lev says brightly. _Stupid Kuroo-san,_ he thinks. _I want to be Kenma-kun’s best friend._

 

“You two do seem to have a special connection,” Akaashi says. _It would be nice if Bokuto-san and I had a relationship like that._

 

“I don’t know where he is,” I say. “Probably at home, maybe sick. He hasn’t told me anything.”

 

“Really?” Yaku looks skeptically from me to my phone, which is switched off. Even if he looked through my phone, he wouldn’t find much. Kuroo and I hardly ever text. There’s no point when we have the power of mind-reading. The only time he’ll text is to tell me to focus on his thoughts because he has something important to say, but even then it’s encoded in a way that the group would probably find odd.

 

“Are you and Kuroo fighting?” Bokuto asks, looking incredibly upset. Bokuto despises it when people fight. Truthfully, I’m not too keen on it either.

 

As a psychic, I really should be a good liar. And I have become good at lying about my powers. However, about everything else, I’m still dreadfully bad. So when I avoid Bokuto’s eye contact, stare at the ground, push a strand of hair behind my ear, and say, “Uh, no,” he doesn’t need access to my thoughts to know I’m clearly a liar.

 

“Man, that sucks!” Bokuto says. “But you still should go talk to him! Apologize and stuff!”

 

“Bring him chocolates!” Lev says. _Oh man, why did I say that? Am I really gonna send Kenma-kun into the arms of another? I’m so stupid!_

 

“He might like that,” Yaku says thoughtfully. _Maybe if Kenma dates Kuroo Lev will leave Kenma alone._

 

I decide my best course of action is to play dumb. “Chocolates are usually for lovers, though.”

 

“Kenma,” Akaashi says carefully. “You realize it is not a problem in the least if you ever have those kind of feelings for Kuroo-san.”

 

I hold in my sigh. I’ve known for the longest time that everyone we know (besides Lev and Yamamoto, who have about a brain cell between them) is under the impression that I am madly in love with Kuroo and vice versa. Honestly, though, I’ve never thought about romance. It’s never really been a concern. How things are between Kuroo and I is great - well, _was_ great until this morning. I didn’t want anything about it to change. I’ve never been like the guys in my class, desperate for love. (I feel a little desperate right now, though, to be honest.)

 

All I say is, “It’s not like that.”

 

“You should still talk to him,” Bokuto advises, putting a hand on his hip. “Staying angry at someone is no good.”

 

“I’m not angry at him.”

 

“Don’t let him be angry at you then,” Yaku challenges.

 

“Since when are you four my advisory council?”

 

“Sometimes we all need advice,” Akaashi says sagely. _I really hope Kenma and Kuroo-san make up. They have such a good friendship. That can be awfully hard to find, at least in my experience._

 

My eyes are burning a little bit. I haven’t cried in years, really, which probably is unhealthy, but anything beyond a minor annoyance is fairly easily fixable with my powers, and I’ve prevented the deaths of anyone I love. This is the first thing in a while I haven’t been able to fix. I hate it.

 

“I’ll talk to him after school,” I promise. “Now let’s talk about something else.”

 

“Well, okay.” Akaashi seems a bit hesitant, but then suddenly remembers something. Turning to Bokuto, he says, “Bokuto-san, I heard you ran a marathon last weekend and were able to place.”

 

“Aw, shucks, it was nothin’, really,” Bokuto says, scratching the back of his head. “Now, triathlons are the real challenges…”

 

.

 

I have to talk to Kuroo.

 

Not having Kuroo in my head all the time is like an empty space in my brain. I’d thought it was an annoyance to have a full brain all the time, but turns out it’s even more annoying to have a full brain with one piece missing. Therefore, after school, despite my intense fear of conflict (especially conflict with Kuroo), I drag myself over to Kuroo’s house.

 

Before I can even ring the doorbell, though, Kuroo thinks, _Kenma, I told you to go the fuck away._

 

 _You’re not my mother,_ I think, and then ring the doorbell.

 

I have the upper hand on Kuroo here, and he knows it. He knows that since he’s too busy sulking in his room, his father will be the one to get the door, and his father adores me. He’s known me for almost my whole life and, since he doesn’t know about my psychic powers, thinks I am just a sweet, innocent kid. So he throws the door open and says, “Kenma! It’s so good to see you, my boy! How are you?”

 

“I’m good,” I say with a slight bow. “Thanks for letting me into your home.”

 

“Are you here to see Tetsurou? He could use the company, I think,” Kuroo’s dad says conspiratorially. “He insisted he was sick today and had to stay home, but I think it’s something else. I think he might be lovesick. So he could use a friend.”

 

“That’s what I’m here for,” I tell him.

 

And it is. I have to find out what’s up with Kuroo. Bidding my goodbyes to his father, I head up to his room, only for his thoughts to get more forceful. _Kenma, I’m warning you to stay away._ And then, a non-purposeful thought: _Kenma can’t come here. I can’t hold myself back for long. He’s gonna find out._ Then back to purposeful: _Kenma, please, if you care about me at all, stay away._

 

 _I care about you, so that’s why I’m staying,_ I say, sitting down outside of his door. I’m grateful once again for my powers, because it’d be near impossible for me to say any of this out loud. _Kuro, what’s going on? There’s never been anything you couldn’t tell me before. You know I don’t care if you did something embarrassing. You always do._

 

 _It’s not like that,_ Kuroo thinks back, and it sounds almost strangled. _Kenma, I can’t - I’m -_ and I can sense that he’s sobbing on the other side of the door.

 

I can’t handle this anymore. I unlock the door, causing it to fly open, and for a second Kuroo looks like he’s going to run. Instead, though, he collapses onto the ground, tears trailing down his face. I sit down beside him, one hand going to rub his back. _Kuro. Whatever it is, it’s okay._

 

 _I can’t, Kenma,_ he thinks desperately. _Why’d you have to be a fucking psychic of all things? You’re making this so hard._

 

 _Making what hard?_ I think back.

 

 _Being in love with you,_ he says miserably. _Usually people get at least a little time to dwell on their secret crushes before they’re forced to confess._

 

I have to say, I’m a little shocked, and it probably shows on my face. Usually I see these things coming from a mile away, such as with Lev, but this is just… unbelievable, almost. I hadn’t ever imagined that someone like Kuroo would ever even think twice that way about someone like me. When I don’t react, though, Kuroo frowns and buries his face even deeper into his knees. _See. This fucking sucks. I knew I couldn’t hold it in for long._

 

 _Kuro,_ I think back. _I’m just surprised. I told you, whatever it is, it’s okay. This is okay._

 

 _I don’t know what that means,_ Kuroo thinks.

 

I don’t fully know what it means, either. Like I said before, I don’t really think about romance. But now that I am thinking about it, in a way I've never let myself think about it before, there’s only one person I could ever picture myself with, and that person is finally looking at me, his dark eyes huge.

 

“Can I try something?” I say, leaning in a little bit, my voice rough even to my own ears.

 

“Yeah,” Kuroo whispers back. I lean in a little more and kiss him, slowly, gently.

 

He responds immediately, his arms wrapping around my back, then putting one hand up to cradle my face. Once I pull back, I nod. _Maybe I’m in love with you, too. A little._

 

“You couldn’t say that out loud?” Kuroo asks.

 

“You didn’t say it out loud either.”

 

“Well, I’m in love with you, then, Kozume Kenma. There. How’s _that_.” 

 

My heart beats a little faster. I hadn’t ever imagined I’d like this kind of cheesy romantic stuff, to be truthful, but now that it’s happening to me it’s almost exciting. Not that I’d ever admit that to anyone ever, though. Thank god Kuroo’s not the psychic here.

 

“That’s embarrassing.”

 

“You’re insufferable,” Kuroo says, frowning. “And… I’m sorry, by the way. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Or called you… any of the things I did. I just wanted to keep you away, ‘cause I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You’re like the plague.”

 

“Romantic,” I say dryly.

 

“People say that shit all the time. Caught you like a cold, y’know?”

 

 _You’re stupid,_ I think back.

 

 _You love me,_ he says.

 

_Maybe._

 

_Can’t believe you caught me after like, two days after I figured it out. You’re a little shit._

 

_Well, it got us here, didn’t it?_

 

_Yeah, whatever. Maybe you being a psychic isn’t the worst thing ever._

 

_I know you’re thinking about what underwear I have on right now._

 

_KENMA! GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU BASTARD._

 

.

 

Lev is beyond consolation when he finds out.

 

It doesn’t take long for him to find out, either, because Kuroo decides that the best time to greet me the next day is at the entrance to the schoolyard, where Lev always joins the group, and he practically wraps himself around me before planting a less-than-subtle kiss on my cheek. I glance around desperately to make sure no one saw, because I really don’t want the attention that being in a new relationship brings, but I’ve decided God must hate me, because Lev is standing right there.

 

“Kenma-kun,” he says, his voice trembling. “You and… you and Kuroo-san?”

 

I glance around again, make sure no one else is in the vicinity (besides Yamamoto, who looks just as shell-shocked) and say, “Yes. But keep it quiet, please. For me.”

 

 _I have to be happy for him, right? So why am I so sad?_ Lev thinks as he reluctantly agrees. He then turns off and runs, thinking something about having the privacy of the bathroom to cry, and in my merciful state, I plant a thought into Yaku’s head. _Lev is sad in the second-floor bathroom._ He won’t know where it came from, but hopefully he’ll think it’s an instinct and follow it. Hopefully that’ll cheer Lev up.

 

“You GUYS!” Bokuto yells, though, and I suddenly regret not pulling away from Kuroo. “Oh my god, you really did make up! And out!”

 

“Bokuto,” I say, my voice low. “Please, don’t yell stuff like that.”

 

“Kenma doesn’t like all the attention,” Kuroo says teasingly.

 

My cheeks heat up on instinct. I loathe having a human body all of a sudden. It’s almost as telling as your thoughts at times. Kuroo immediately notices, too, and thinks, _Wow, Kenma’s so cute when he blushes._

 

 _I can hear all your embarrassing thoughts now, you know,_ I send to his head.

 

 _Good,_ he says back. I send a wave of anger into his head, but he seems completely unaffected.

 

“Aw,” Bokuto coos, “you two are so sweet! ‘Kaashi, come look at Kuroo and Kenma! Aren’t they cute?” _Man, I wish I had a boyfriend._

 

“They are quite adorable,” Akaashi says with a nod. _I wish I was able to be in a relationship._

 

I’m half-convinced Bokuto’s beyond saving at this point, but just in case, I plant the thought _Akaashi is available_ into Bokuto’s head. Maybe it’s a little manipulative, or maybe I’m just feeling like spreading the love, and Akaashi’s one of the more deserving people I know. Either way, Bokuto’s mind starts racing. _Wow, he does look really pretty! But he’s too good for me, right? He wouldn’t like someone loud like me, right?_

 

 _Are you messing with Bo?_ Kuroo asks.

 

 _Would I ever do something like that?_ I send back.

 

 _You do it all the time,_ Kuroo says, sounding amused. _Manipulative little shit. Did you make him think about Akaashi?_

 

_Nothing like that. Just that Akaashi’s available._

 

_Have I told you I love you lately?_

 

 _Too often,_ I think, and then, in the privacy of my own head, _and I hate that it gets me all worked up every single time._

 

 _I heard that,_ Kuroo thinks.

 

_You did not._

 

_Did too._

 

_Did not._

 

_Did too._

 

“Hey, Akaashi!” Bokuto says, breaking my concentration. “D’you wanna go get ramen after school?”

 

“We do that every day, Bokuto-san.”

 

“No, no! Just me ’n you.”

 

Akaashi turns a little pink. “Uh, perhaps. Kenma, Kuroo-san, would you mind?”

 

“Not at all,” Kuroo says, winking at Bokuto in a salacious manner.

 

I hate him. Really.

 

And yet somehow my stomach feels like it’s turned into a million butterflies.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay well I wrote this fic a while ago, right after I watched The Disastrous Life of Saiki K., and completely forgot to post it. But yeah, the entire time I was watching, I was like "Saiki's a lot like Kenma huh" and this just... poured out. Hairo also has Big Bokuto Energy. So yes, this fic is very much based off of that show, which you all should watch bc it's so funny.  
> I apologize for the use of first person, but it's the only way I could think to make this fic work!  
> I hope you all enjoyed anyways! Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed!
> 
> TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR: This fic is a parody/based off of The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. which I do not own nor do I claim to own. I just wanted to try to put my own spin on it based on if Kenma was ever in that situation.


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